How to Ruin Your Cat’s Day

Photo by Kelvin Valerio on

These theories were cat tested.

1) Feed her the good stuff. You know? The stuff in the can. Oh, but not that can. Anything but that one.

2) Scoop her poop just in time for her next poop and then sweep her newly scattered litter from the floor.

3) Sit in your desk chair and work. That’s their spot, duh.

4) Refuse to share your food with them. You JUST FED THEM.

5) Give them exactly what they begged for. Only for them to sniff it and walk away.

6) Saying no to that thing they know they shouldn’t be doing. They’re going to do it anyways.

7) Even uttering the words “Get down” or “Stop that”. How dare you challenge their authority, you meek human.

8) Pick them up and snuggle and kiss them. Right now, they’ve thought of seven different ways to kill you. Put. Them. Down.

9) Sleep in your bed. Don’t worry, human. I will just suffocate you in your sleep.

10) Give them your undivided attention at the wrong time. Any time is good, except for now, and later.

11) Brushing and grooming them. And god forbid you even think about giving them a bath.

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